Why Can’t I Find Love: 6 Obstacles to Happiness
Love, understanding, strong family – these are the most basic things the majority of people dream about. But in the modern world, finding love can turn out to be a real challenge. The main problem doesn’t lie in the wrong places people choose to look for their soulmates in, but in the wrong direction of search which, if not stopped in time, can fall into the category of lifetime wandering. What are the main reasons for your loneliness and how to find love in your life? Learn these 6 main obstacles that will most probably prevent you from meeting your kindred soul and the way to overcome them.
1. You are searching too hard
When a person focuses too much on a search process, their consciousness, emotional sphere, and a system of life values narrow significantly. All their potential aims at achieving one single goal that implies finding a partner to build romantic relations. According to the majority of psychologists, this is nothing else than an overvalued idea that may subordinate all our interests and aspirations. For example, you are doing sports because you want to look attractive in the eyes of the potential candidates for your future soulmate. Or when choosing clothes and deciding on changing your hairstyle, you always take into consideration the effect you may have on someone. Even while selecting a new company to work for, you pay attention to the number of potential partners you will meet there.
Such a persistent search is also stimulated by the supposed necessity to do your best to get what you want. But how can you achieve your goal if you sit back doing nothing? Even though you seem to be working hard on your own improvement, in fact, your personality is at risk of impoverishment. In such a way, you can become obsessed with the idea of finding love. You start rejecting all your emotions, feelings, preferences that do not relate to the main goal – a search for a loved one. A person obsessed only with finding a partner eventually becomes empty and uninteresting even despite all their attractiveness. So, it is not surprising that new acquaintances do not result in a deeper relationship and only increase despair.
2. You have unrealistic expectations
This is one more reason that accompanies your why can't I find love dilemma. After an exhausting search, people who have finally met a so-called potential soulmate long to get the fastest and the fullest possible compensation for their “moral damage”. Usually, a potential partner is considered as a trophy, not as a separate individual with their inner world, views, and desires in this case. Needless to say, finding those who would meet the morbid imagination of a fastidious seeker turns out to be mission impossible.
But the most depressing fact is that while trying to make someone fall in love with us, we forget about the traits that we are seeking in other people. So, in the excessive desire to be interesting to “real” men and women, we actually become fake. But when we stop active search that leads to focusing on the ideals invented by unknown people, we restore our own authenticity.
3. You are afraid of being dumped
Almost anyone of us at least once in their life went through a breakup when the world collapsed, and it seemed that you would never acquire love and happiness again. The most difficult thing after such an emotional shock is to allow yourself to fall in love again.
What are we afraid of? Why do fears and doubts are stronger than our desire to love and be loved? We are scared to be disappointed, deceived, or betrayed again. We don't want to suffer anymore. And so, when a new feeling comes, we prefer to call it friendship, attraction, or flirtation. It is easier than to admit that we have fallen in love again.
4. “Love me just the way I am”
There are a lot of lonely people who look attractive, seem to be educated, smart, and interesting. Despite all their benefits, they can be too self-affected to notice some flaws in them that can push the potential partners away. At the same time, the negative features of their personality can be treated as integral and extremely valuable. A desire to ” love me just the way I am ” means “love my selfishness”. Such a whim is nothing but a manifestation of the immaturity of the individual.
5. You tend to focus on wrong people
It seems that you are constantly making the same mistake while choosing a person to build romantic relations with. You either don't know yourself well enough or you always consciously choose the emotionally exhausted people you want to protect.
As cruel as it may sound, some people just aren't meant to be a part of your life. It doesn't matter how hard you try and how much you do, as you and your partner may just be incompatible.
If you always choose the wrong people, your main problem doesn’t hide in your failure, but in the strategy you follow. Instead of finding love to improve your life, you need to stop and find out why you are making the same mistake over and over again.
6. You believe that your partner will suit you right away
“You will immediately understand when you meet your person.” This idea is quite widespread. Everyone thinks that there will be no problems with “their” person and the relationship will be perfect from the very beginning. And, of course, beliefs in this statement bring nothing but disappointment. If you want to build strong relations, you need to work on them together with your partner, talk about them, listen to each other, and set the rules. If one person in a couple is very curious, pedantic, does everything on time, and the other one always postpones everything, the best solution for both of them will be to discuss the terms of their coupledom. Otherwise, they may experience big problems.
And to conclude: love can neither be found nor can anyone give it to us. We should find it in ourselves. You don’t have to look for it but generate the ability to love in yourself by learning how to understand your inner world, aspirations, and interests.